Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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