it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The beer is more important than you right now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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