Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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