3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
