i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
