If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
