I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
