Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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