"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize