Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize