Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
