woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
