just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
