nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
