I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
