hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
