Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
