i love accidental penises.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
