Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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