Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
