He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Your penis caused this!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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