There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
there was a trapeze. enough said
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
