I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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