I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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