Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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