sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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