I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I did not marry a roomba.
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