those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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