I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Where is the hickey?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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