It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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