I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
