i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
