SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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