and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
