Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize