i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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