That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My breasts were aching with rage.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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