You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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