hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize