It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
