I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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