Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
