My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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