Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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