holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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