i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
