I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
