I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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