So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
