I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize