Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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