I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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