I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
