burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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