"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
