And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
