How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
