I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
