I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize