It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
