All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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