I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
