there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
