The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
