Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
