Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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