She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize