Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
