she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
