is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
