I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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