hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
