my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
