Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
