I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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